To start writing this blog post I might as well try to look back at this year at whole, a year full of surprises, good and bad ones, but I am not keen on visiting back the bad memories they belong to their past that is gone and done. 2010 has been a defining year for me on many levels but to get to the point of this post which might sound a bit odd, off or weird to those who do not know me personally I shall try to simplify and sound less vague than my mind sounds to be at this late (or rather very early hour of the day, it’s 5:00 am, YES! should not have that fifth cup of coffee at 3 am).
I’m Ahmad Qatato, and you might know that already.
The challenge I faced recently was to face my own “Shell”, my definition of reality and non-reality, per se.
The resolution: there has been nothing to challenge for this parody, it is what it is.
Ok, let’s stop for a moment, try to sound less vague…
I mentioned earlier that 2010 has been an extraordinary year that pushed me in many directions, put me in all sorts of new challenges, I even got my first hate mail (which is very funny and truly badly misspelled, have some respect, haters, check spelling!), but above all, the true challenge surfaced up recently which required me to “define” myself, or better, burst my bubble, get out to the real world and face it, but I wonder now, if that “bubble” or “shell” was badly misconceived or misinterpreted that led me to a total chaos, confusion at best, to define what is already defined is like (As we Arabs say) “Defining water by water again”.
My shell was conceived to be a self-indulgent place of my own, my darkest corner of the soul, the wardrobe that I would run and hide into from all evils (and goodness) of the world, somewhere to take a rest and disconnect from reality. Now, having said that, WHO DOESN’T? I mean, is there a sane person in this world that does not have a place of hiding? and isn’t it quite unjust to define someone’s shell whilst everyone else has their own definition of what a “shell” truly is? … A shell is not merely a place to hide, for me personally, it is a place of creation, a place of wonders, a higher plateau, a greater sense of awareness to this existence. OK, Now I managed to sound like I hit Nirvana with a fuel rocket and then hit back again, blame the 5:00 am…
Not making sense yet?
My work is about “creation”, nothing religious or Sci-Fi related here, I create extra and parallel realities or versions of them by drawing them, even if that sub-reality happened to be a stick boy figure, it’s been given birth in my head first, and guess what’s there in my head, well, besides the brain… THE SHELL! which I prefer to call it my “Wonderland”. I visualize realities and then put them on paper in a way I see it fit, proper, improper or simply just my way, to do that you’ve got to believe in fairy tales, and I do, not guilty by confessing so, I do believe in fairy tales, the good ones, the bad ones, the gushy mushy tears, the charming princes and princesses, the mythical creatures and what not… this is me! this is who I am and how I dream, and it’s not a passing state of being aware of who I am, I was asked to define or re-define myself at one point or another, for one occasion or another, and to be truthful, it puzzled me, it put me in shambles (and I hate to use that word), it gave me nightmares and reduced me to a state of fear and disgust, being self-conscious of who you are not is the worst thing you could do to one self, my dear reader, as by doing so you start creating your new sub-reality, and if you do not just pour it out in some creative way it will back fire and eat your mind, it’d be like shooting a gun but what you get is only the big boom and smoke but no bullets… I am me, Ahmad or not, artist or not, I am a particle of awareness, and I would not define a thing about it, I would not take the Hercules challenges and cross the seven sea with Sinbad and Ali Baba to know who I truly am. There is not “I am” for you and me, and “I was” is useless, it feels like a tale, does not add up to the “am”, it is only about “I have been me”, the changing point, the never-ending story of this awareness.
Wooooooo… wooooo… what am I on?
Nothing, really nothing, call it a euphoria of the soul, call it a moment of revelation, a sane insanity or insane sanity, it might be whatever you call it according to your own definitions in your own “shell”, how you see the world is your true gift, how I see the world is my gift too, but they are two different gifts, the trick is when we share those gifts, like switching boxes under the big tree of life: You write it in a book, you paint a picture, you shoot photographs, you sing a song, you make an adventure, you act on stage…. you live your life and tell me how you lived it, you amuse me, you let me dream with you, I steal a glimpse into your crystal ball, and hopefully it might teach me a thing or two about you, about your life and the lives of people around you.
Freedom is your shell, to free your mind from the mundane tasks and to-do-lists, to see inside yourself for who you have been, not am, not was, but have been being.
So?
I have been Ahmad Qatato, and you know now.
The challenge: none.
The resolution: none.
I’m sorry if I did not make much sense to you, but rather made sense to myself, I just wanted to say that you do not have to break from something that is not existent, you do not have to destroy your beautiful sub-realities just because they do not fit other people’s definitions, you do not have to be the ABSOLUTE AM and WAS, you do not have to define yourself by your past actions or what you are doing now, better, you do not have to define yourself to be accepted. But what I really wanted to say is: keep on dreaming, be a kid, believe in fairy tales, remember, that in fairy tales everything is allowed and everything is magic, and that, in your fairy tale, or what is called a “bubble” you are the writer, you are the one who is telling the story, you are the one who is seeing the world, not them, do not borrow someone’s else’s glasses, they will only tire your eyes. Remember, you are the true definition of yourself, so do not re-define, do not re-consider, do not look back….
Dream, and dream a little bit more.
Create your beautiful wonderland.
And when it is ready, throw an extravagant grand opening and do not forget to invite us all.
Qatato
Related articles
- Stephen Hawking’s Fairy-Tale Heaven (crisismagazine.com)
- Review: “Secrets, Monsters, and Magic Mirrors: Stone Arch Fairy Tales Volume 2″ by Donald Lemke (witchoftheatregoing.wordpress.com)
- Is there a bad end in fairy tales (wiki.answers.com)
